Suspicious mind
It is not unusual. The literature explains it. Anxiety. Fear. It’s as if she’s lost, a child alone in an airport. She panics, gets…
It is not unusual. The literature explains it. Anxiety. Fear. It’s as if she’s lost, a child alone in an airport. She panics, gets aggressive. Focus on feelings, not facts. Don’t get upset. Be positive. Speak slowly, softly. Walk away if the person is in a safe environment. Easy to say. // He left me. (Caught in a trap.) Just left me. (I can’t walk out.) They might grow suspicious. Make accusations. He left. I don’t know where he is. He just leaves me. He does it all the time. (Love you too much, baby.) // OCD-like behavior. Itchy skin. Soreness. Where is he? (What you’re doing to me.) Wiping her blanket. Spilled ice chips. They’re all over. She has to wipe, but there are no chips, no ice. Her thumb hurts. She can’t move it. But she does. This keeps happening she says. (Don’t believe a word I say.) He left me. He went with his son. Who? I’m here mom. He’s in the other room. I’m sitting with you. But she grows more agitated. // The hardest thing is watching her cry. Knowing. Hearing her moan, “why me?” Hearing her and knowing she doesn’t know. What do we do? What do I do? The mind is a fragile thing. (Caught in a trap.) Dad gets up and goes in the other room. It’s hardest on him. He’s always here. (He can’t walk out.) But she doesn’t understand. He just leaves, she says. But he doesn’t. He couldn’t. Wouldn’t. (Loves her too much, baby.) But he’s not as strong as I’d thought. Not mentally. He’s struggling. Unsure, swinging between extremes. (Caught in a trap.) // This is what dementia does, as it distorts her mind, it paralyzes his. (Caught in a trap.) It’s the toll. It radiates out. It floods the senses, wipes away the known.
“Suspicious Minds” is set to appear in an upcoming anthology, Broken Cords, to be published by Stream River Press. You can help us raise seed money for the anthology, which will feature writing on Alzheimer’s and dementia, by going to our Go Fund Me page. All proceeds will go to research and care groups. Contributors who donate $20 or more will get copies of the anthology and a mention on the acknowledgements page. Writers, we are looking for poems, fiction, and essays on dementia and Alzheimer’s. They can be from any perspective — care-givers, family, the person with dementia.